No More Mr. Mom: The Stigma of Stay At Home Dads

Since having little B-Man and even prior to, when I was pregnant, I became an avid reader of several sites in the mommy blog-o-sphere.  I have read a countless number posts and various opinions regarding the debate between being a working mom versus a stay at home mom.  One extremists opinion, regarding how little boys will resent their working mothers, sent me to tears (not the good kind).  It has taken me Bryce's whole first year to become comfortable with my choice of being a working mom.  

When Rob and I became serious, but before we were married, I made it clear that I wanted to stay in the workforce after having kids, but at that point I am not sure either of us were even certain that we wanted children.  When we got married I was only 26 and was in the midst of getting my MBA part time and working full time.  I was no where close to being in the position at work that I wanted to be.  Also, shortly after getting married, Rob decided he wanted to go back to school to get his bachelor's degree in Physical Education.   A few years later when we decided to have kids and got pregnant, Rob and I talked a lot about how we wanted to raise "baby I" (we didn't know Bryce was a boy at that point).  At that point I still wanted to work.  That said, just because I wanted to stay in the workforce and continue on a career path that I worked really hard to create, didn't make it any easier leaving my adorable B-man at home.  What did help was that I was leaving him in the very capable hands of his loving father.

I digress, this post was not meant to be about how great a dad Rob is (even though he is), or my decision to work and the many emotions that came along with that decision.  Rather it was meant to talk about the stigma of stay at home dads.

What prompted this post was a comment by a co-worker.  She said to me, something to the effect of, "having the full financial burden must be really hard"...continued by the look.  You know the one...where someone pities the situation you are in.  Now I can definitively say, that no man or woman I work with would say anything similar to the 90% (that's a guess, its probably closer to 100%) of men that I work with, whose wifely counterparts are stay at home moms.  And this isn't the first time Rob or I have gotten a comment or look for being slightly unconventional, though trendy (the number of stay at home dads in one of the largest increasing groups).  

I know, as a society, we judge each other on a constant basis, but isn't having a child supposed to be the great equalizer.  I mean we all struggle with sleepless nights, teething, worrying, sicknesses and so much more.  I haven't met a family yet that hasn't struggled with the decision of whether to have two working parents, a stay at home parent or some combination of the two.  No matter the decision, the struggle is both emotional and financial.

So seriously, cut the shit people.  We have to stop the looks, the comments and the inquisitions because everyone is just doing the best they can to raise their little people to become someone that makes a difference in this world.  Anyways, don't stay at home dads have it hard enough as it is.  I mean there aren't as many stay at home daddy groups (though there are some), there are no daddy and me yoga classes and most men's rooms don't even have changing tables.