What Becoming a Mother Has Taught Me About Friendship

They say there are events in your life that will make you realize who your true friends are; the loss of a loved one who was taken far too soon; an accident that leaves you depending on others to care for you; a divorce, or maybe something less monumental.  For me it was becoming a mother.  I have to say the change in many of my friendships was one of the biggest surprises of motherhood, both good and bad.

I was once told that when complaining or arguing about something that you are supposed to "make a positive sandwich".  You know the bread are the positives and the inside is the negative.  So that I don't dwell about the on about the less than happy moments, I'll be eating a positive sandwich during this post.

The first few weeks after having Bryce were some of the hardest of my life.  I like the term that my sister-in-law uses for this phase, "The Baby Fog". While you are in the baby fog, you have no concept of what is gong on outside of you and your little one's world.  You are consumed with how long its been between feedings, learning and teaching your baby how to breast feed, waking up in the middle of the night for everything from feedings, to comforting the baby, to just making sure he is breathing.  You have your days and nights completely mixed up and you feel somewhat insane.  Not too mention what your body is going through (but that isn't what this post is about - your welcome).   

The people that come to your aide during this time, do it completely unselfishly and without any gain.  First, there is your husband.  Rob took care of everything that I wasn't consumed with.  And I love him for it.  However, I also expected it from him because he's my husband and the baby's father, that is his role, right.  Then there are the grandparents, who are amazing. They bring you food, watch the baby once in a while during the day so you can nap, help with chores, take care of the dog while you are in the hospital, but again you kind of expected it (especially if you have the type of parents that we do) because they are your parents and you are still their baby and they want to take care of you.  And they remember how you are feeling - even if they went through it 30 years ago.  

But what surprised me more were the people who stepped up during this time that I didn't really expect.  That friend who is also a mom and completely understands what you are going through, so she takes the time to bake or send you food, without expecting to visit for 2 hours.  Or your sister-in-law who has three kids of her own but took the time to bring you dinner one of your first nights home and she answers your calls and texts all hours of the day and night when you have questions about breast feeding.  Or your childhood friend, who no matter how far apart you live makes an effort to be there for you for all of your life events.  

Then there are also those moments that you have when people you never thought would, let you down.   Those people that you needed to rely on and showed you no support.  The ones that question your parenting decisions or limit interactions to likes on pictures of your new baby on FaceBook.  The ones that you used to stay up all night in college with having "deep" conversations, that you called every time you needed a good cry, that you thought would be your closest confidante forever, but made absolutely no effort to be there during the biggest time in your life.  The ones that you tried to call when you were having a melt down and didn't pick up or never even returned a call.  Never made an effort to meet the newest most important person in your life.  

The other piece of bread - Thank you to all those people in my life who did everything and more than I ever could have expected.  Thank you to those childless friends of mine, that even though they couldn't personally relate to my experience, still wanted to hear all about it, get to know my son, and showed me that they are true friends.  Those people who will reschedule plans with me, the day of, multiple times because B-Man has slept too long, or is fussy, or needs a nap.  Instead of the ones who just say, "I would never let my child dictate my schedule," or "I will never be that kind of parent." Those friends that will take long walks with me on the days that he will only nap in the stroller. Those friends who see something in a store that they think Bryce will like and surprise him.  The friend that already has a Christmas gift for him in 2014, even though there is no reason she has to buy him a gift at all.  

You all know who you are!