8 Months Has Been The Most Fun and The Most Difficult - Hoping For a Relaxing Autumn

The last month has been a very busy time for the Iosua household.  We seemed to have every weekend booked, mostly for fun things, but also for other commitments.  This is part of the reason why I am really looking forward to fall.  This may come as a surprise to those of you who know me, but my favorite thing about fall is Football Sundays.  You see my husband LOVES football Sundays.  He does the fantasy league, red zone thing and looks forward to it all year long.  So a few years ago, we made a deal.  I wouldn't schedule plans for us on Sundays, if he did all the goofy fun fall things with me every Saturday.  (After recently getting into the show The League, we found out there is an actual name for this - Terrific Lady Saturday.)  So while we get to do all the fall things I love - apple & pumpkin picking, corn mazing and Big E'ing - it also forces us to not go away for the weekend, stay home, enjoy our house and just relax.  No BIG plans (with one exception - Harvest Fest in York, Maine...though Sunday will be spent in the Union Bluff Pub playing pool and watching Football). 

Anyways, Bryce turned 8 months old at the beginning of September.  This past month has proved to be so incredibly fun.  Bryce is his own person with a strong personality and is doing so much.  He is crawling, trying to figure out how to walk, standing on his own, and climbing on everything.  He is so curious and loves learning about all the new things in the world He has the most infectous laugh, loves his dad and me, and is obsessed with Daisy.  He has so many words and is learning new words everyday.  So far he says, mama, dada, Daisy and ball and knows what they all refer too (though somtimes he thinks the rubber ducky is ball also - its a work in progress.)  He also says mommy and daddy on occasion, but Rob says I can't count those since they are just variations of mama and dada. 

While the last month has been incredible, it has also proved to be the most difficult as it has brought on teething (at least that's what we think the culprit is).  Bryce has had his two bottom teeth since before he was six months and they were fairly painless.  Whatever teeth he is working on now (doc says at least 3 are trying to break through), they are proving quite the opposite.  He has been waking up multiple times at night and sometimes it takes an act of God to get him back to sleep.  We don't always deal with this so well, since we were so used to a baby who slept through the night from early on.  Call it payback, or Karma, but either way its tough.  I get so frustrated with Bryce some nights when he won't go back to sleep....which inevitably just leads to mommy guilt the next morning.  For example, Bryce woke up last night at 3am and didn't fall back asleep til 5am. Then, guess what went off at 5:30am - my ALARM!  On top of this, the same kid who you used to not be able to shovel food into his mouth fast enough, now HATES the food out of a jar.  We are lucky if he takes 5 bites.  We have a little more success when we just cut up our food and give it too him, though I think he is just playing with it more than eating it.  From what I hear from other parents and my own research, lack of appetite is pretty normal with teething, but I worry that he isn't eating enough.  Hopefully these teeth break through and this phase passes soon and we can all get some sleep.

Here are some pics of what we have been up to this last month...its been a lot of fun - vacation in York, ME, first apple picking, corn mazing and so much more.  Enjoy the cuteness!

Mother's Guilt

Mother's guilt is a funny thing.  Its this feeling like you aren't able to provide your child with exactly what your vision is of the perfect parent.  My first severe case of Mother's guilt came when I stopped breast feeding.  Around 7 months old, Bryce naturally weened himself from nursing all together.  Likely because I had been back at work now for so long and he was used to taking bottles all day.  After that I tried to keep up with pumping. but my body stopped producing what Bryce needed and also "naturally weaned".  I have never felt such guilt.  I felt like I wasn't able to provide my son with the nutrition he needed.  It also meant it was the end of a very special bonding period with my son and that was really hard for me to let go.

Why are we as mother's so tough on ourselves.  I wrote a post a few months back about how we are hard on each other, but looking back we are always our own worst critics.  From the clothes and style of our hair in High School, grades in college, success in work and relationships, and now how we parent. Before I had a child I had all these images of what it would be like to raise one.  You picture the Christmas's, first milestones, apple picking, birthday parties, barbecues in the back yard.  The part where he is up in the middle of the night cutting teeth for three weeks, the nervous feeling you get when they have sniffles or you let them sleep with a loose blanket for the first time (gasp!), or that you never have time to weed the yard, do the laundry, clean the house because you want to spend your free time with your family.  Those feelings of not being able to do it all are not in your visions.  But they are reality.  

So as I write this in the front seat of my car in the driveway, because Bryce is sleeping in the back and I don't want to wake him to bring him in, I try to remember that I am my own worst critic, Bryce loves me (and Rob too) unconditionally, faults included.  There will never be enough time to do everything, and there will be many more guilty moments to come.  I welcome them because it means Bryce is growing up, becoming his own independent and unique person, and the whole point of parenting is to raise happy and kind children who will make a difference in the world because they are a part of it.  When I stopped breast feeding, missing his bed time, not getting a bath and living in a messy house won't change that.  The quality time, the unconditional hugs and kisses, story time, listening and encouraging. That will!  And while mother's guilty will creep in with its ugly head when reality doesn't match your vision, remember when your child is looking at you, that you are HIS vision of perfect.