Judgement Free

I was sitting in the chair at my hairdressers for a long overdue hair cut and she was chatting me up as usual.  Asking about Bryce, motherhood, how my husband is as a new father...Pretty much everything under the sun.  Hair stylists, I have found throughout the years, are by far the most personable people and sometimes the best therapists.  I was sharing with her the same things I share with my best friends, even though I only see her 3 - 4 times a year.  Besides being the best hair stylist I have ever gone to she also so easily gets me to open up and at the same time she tells me all the details of her private life. She seems to keep nothing back.  She told me about multiple miscarriages (she is currently pregnant) and, in depth, troubling times that she had within her marriage.  The details are not important, but what I noticed was how self confident she was when she talked about the unglamorous (yes I know that is not a word) times in her adult life.  She spoke about these things not as disappointments or hardships, but instead with pride as to how they got her to where she is today.  I am not sure I have ever met a more self confident and self aware woman in my life.  What I also realized was that anything I told her, even things that I am not the most proud of, she did not judge me.  Now I mean this truly.  She wasn't nice on the outside and thinking to herself "Oh wow, I can't believe she parents like that" etc. She honestly believed the things she said back to me, like "whatever works for you in and your family is what you should do..." (though it was more sincere than that sounds).

Besides leaving the salon sans split ends and with a perfect blowout, I left feeling more confident about myself as a woman/mother/wife/person than I had in months.  Since I have had Bryce, I have read countless articles about how women and, in particular mothers, judge each other about everything - breastfeeding or not, losing pregnancy weight too fast or too slow, sleep tactics (cry it out or not),  types of baby food, nap times, TV time, bed times, schooling, working mother, stay home mother, etc - the list is never ending.  It doesn't matter, whatever you chose to do for your child, there is someone out there that seemed to be judging.  Now I don't mean in a "you are a horrible mother" type of way, but more in a "I would have done it different" way.  Most people don't even mean anything by what they say, but that doesn't mean you feel less "judged".  It was so refreshing to listen to a woman who made her choices in life, and accepted that she was doing the best she can for her family.  She wasn't apologetic and she didn't feel the need to defend herself.  I left the salon that day with a new outlook on life, not only will I be less critical of myself as a mother/wife/employee/woman etc, but also be less critical of others.  Because it also made me realize that I was guilty at times (especially before I had a child of my own) of judging others and their choices as well, and I didn't even realize I was doing it.  That's the problem though right,  usually most people don't mean anything by it.  I don't think anyone is that mean spirited on purpose, but its the subconscious.  Its the unintended facial expression or the probing questions.  Sometimes it isn't even judgement per say, but that is how the other person is made to feel regardless of intent.  So lets just all be judgement free in this crazy journey of parenting.