Mother's Guilt

Mother's guilt is a funny thing.  Its this feeling like you aren't able to provide your child with exactly what your vision is of the perfect parent.  My first severe case of Mother's guilt came when I stopped breast feeding.  Around 7 months old, Bryce naturally weened himself from nursing all together.  Likely because I had been back at work now for so long and he was used to taking bottles all day.  After that I tried to keep up with pumping. but my body stopped producing what Bryce needed and also "naturally weaned".  I have never felt such guilt.  I felt like I wasn't able to provide my son with the nutrition he needed.  It also meant it was the end of a very special bonding period with my son and that was really hard for me to let go.

Why are we as mother's so tough on ourselves.  I wrote a post a few months back about how we are hard on each other, but looking back we are always our own worst critics.  From the clothes and style of our hair in High School, grades in college, success in work and relationships, and now how we parent. Before I had a child I had all these images of what it would be like to raise one.  You picture the Christmas's, first milestones, apple picking, birthday parties, barbecues in the back yard.  The part where he is up in the middle of the night cutting teeth for three weeks, the nervous feeling you get when they have sniffles or you let them sleep with a loose blanket for the first time (gasp!), or that you never have time to weed the yard, do the laundry, clean the house because you want to spend your free time with your family.  Those feelings of not being able to do it all are not in your visions.  But they are reality.  

So as I write this in the front seat of my car in the driveway, because Bryce is sleeping in the back and I don't want to wake him to bring him in, I try to remember that I am my own worst critic, Bryce loves me (and Rob too) unconditionally, faults included.  There will never be enough time to do everything, and there will be many more guilty moments to come.  I welcome them because it means Bryce is growing up, becoming his own independent and unique person, and the whole point of parenting is to raise happy and kind children who will make a difference in the world because they are a part of it.  When I stopped breast feeding, missing his bed time, not getting a bath and living in a messy house won't change that.  The quality time, the unconditional hugs and kisses, story time, listening and encouraging. That will!  And while mother's guilty will creep in with its ugly head when reality doesn't match your vision, remember when your child is looking at you, that you are HIS vision of perfect.